So I have a birthday coming up on August 23, which has prompted the usual dumb birthday thoughts to rattle around my brain. The thoughts go something like this, usually in an echoey, dream-like sort of voice: “Damn, I’m old. I mean my ass is really getting up there. Dude! I’ve been around since before the internet! Since before CDs! Since before Brangelina! By this ripe old age, I always thought I would have done more, like won an Oscar for Best Screenplay, visited the Grand Canyon, learned how to yodel, and perhaps worked as a professional go-go dancer. Shit, I’m old. I may as well lie down on the couch and play with the remote. Forget about being hot. People my age are no longer hot.”
Then I had a revelation and I decided to incorporate this into my mental repertoire, and I hope you, Dear Reader, will do so as well along with me. Are you ready? It goes like this:
YOU ARE EXACTLY AS OLD AS YOU DECIDE YOU’RE GOING TO BE.
That’s it. It’s brilliant, isn’t it? What you decide goes both ways, good or bad, and goes for both genders. But I’m thinking of women in particular here since women have a good deal more aesthetic, pursuit-of-youth pressures that society dumps on them. But it really doesn’t matter. You can decide to play into it or not.
And I have this on good authority too, see. Let me introduce you to Derek’s 100-year-old Grammy. Yes, she is 100. When you think of someone who is 100, you think nursing home, IV-drip and 100 types of meds with every (liquid) meal, right? Think again. Picture spunky, sassy, rarely not smiling or laughing, rarely not saying something positive, frequently playing her beloved golf and taking no meds whatsoever (except for a necessary blood-thinner). Picture someone still so in love with life that she grips it by the short-and-curlies every single day and is more energetic than a lot of 21-year-olds I have known. I want that to be me. And that will be me.
I also have to remind myself of the women in my age category who have accomplished so much – the hotties who are smart, talented, spiritual, and obviously loving every minute of their 30s. Let’s just run down the list: Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Aniston, Shirley Manson, Sophie Marceau, Pamela Anderson (yes, Pammy – read her articles in Jane Magazine…. Girlfriend has something to say), Uma Thurman, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry, Guinevere Turner, shoot, the list goes on and on. The point is, sexy and sexuality has no number and is not something to be shut off at a certain age. I believe this is important for myself and women everywhere to remember.
So I’m going to shake my ass at da’ club and be proud this birthday. I think I’m a scandalous babe, therefore I am. Woot!