Monday, March 31, 2008

Preggo Watch '08

I’m in the home stretch, as it were.  Only about six weeks to go.  I’m doing pretty good.  Baby Mac continues to kick the crap out of me on a daily basis.  He usually gives a few kicks and squirms right after I eat, but he doesn’t really get going until around 5:00 p.m.  I have taken to calling it “Junior’s Happy Hour” although really it lasts about five hours.  He starts up with the grooving and doesn’t stop, especially when Daddy comes home and he hears his voice.

I started a prenatal yoga class in Sherman Oaks at Black Dog Yoga and love it.  It has helped calm down my obsessive psychotic pregnant brain a LOT.  Not to mention all the stretching really helps my poor overstressed joints and muscles.  I have gained over 40 lbs., people!  Heaving all that weight around is not easy!  I have to do things a lot more slowly and carefully than I am used to, and that has made me much more patient.

Bending over or getting up off the couch or turning over in bed are still a world of suck, but now it’s just part of daily life.  Speaking of daily life, here are a few of my favorite things that I will get to have back again before too long:

Things I miss about NOT being pregnant and am really looking forward to:

  1. Shaft.  I miss my pole, y’all.  I miss blasting Korn and spinning around on that thing at mach 10 with my hair on fire (yes, that was a lame Top Gun reference, but it kinda works, no?)
  2. Going running and hiking.  Rollerblading, riding my pink bike.  Just being active in general.
  3. Dirty martinis.  Mojitos.  A cold Hefeweizen with lemon on the Venice boardwalk.
  4. Sushi.
  5. Sleeping on my back.
  6. Sleeping through the night without having to get up and pee four times.
  7. Sleeping without waking myself up snoring, snorting, drooling, or with an excruciating charlie horse in my leg.  Ever had your calf sliced open with a dull butcher knife?  That’s what it feels like.
  8. Not having to ask my poor husband to fetch me water or a glass of milk or a chipwich (the ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joe’s, OMG you have not LIVED until you have had one) because dammit, it is just too friggin’ hard to get up off the couch once I am there.
  9. Not having to go to the doctor’s office every stinking month – ugh!  And now that I’m in the third trimester, it’s every two weeks!  I would SO not made a good hypochondriac.  I love my OB and his nurse, but me and the medical establishment simply do not mix.
  10. Sex without needing a forklift.  Need I say more?
That being said, here are a few of the things I will really miss about being pregnant:
  1. How nice and helpful total strangers are to me, especially the Trader Joe’s guys.  Sometimes they will even pull me out of line and open up a cash register just because they see my giant pregnant ass standing there looking non-plussed.  It’s super nice to be a VIP.
  2. Cutting myself a slackburger with cheese about stuffing my face.  This is the only time in my life I can really let myself be such a pig and not feel guilty, and lordy, am I embracing it!
  3. Not having to hold in my stomach.  My belly is large and in charge and is just out there, bitches – deal with it!
  4. Having a valid excuse to lie down every day.
  5. Thick, luxuriant hair and glowy skin.  Those preggo hormones really rock when it comes to that.
  6. Feeling my little baby kick and move.  I get kinda teared up when I think about it.  There will come a time very soon when he will be outside of me, and I won’t have that motherly luxury of feeling him close, so close to me, knowing all the time that he is safe and warm and protected in this quiet bubble of love inside my body.  Yeah.  I’m really going to miss that.

[Photo of me courtesy of Jen.  Yes, I know, she is brilliant, but try telling her that.  We took a bunch of nekkid photos over the weekend and they are amazing, but you don't get to see them.]


Anonymous said...

make sure you wrap your body after the pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

You, me, beers and beach -- it's a date when you are ready!


Anonymous said...

"6. Sleeping through the night without having to get up and pee four times."

HA! You're going to miss when you ONLY had to get up to pee at night.