Yes, there is preggo news, but I am so bored talking about it and it doesn’t amount to much more than the following:
1) I am friggin’ ginormous. So much so that I had to get new maternity clothes so as not to be forced to run around nekkid in the remaining 2.5 months and possibly frighten passersby who happen past the house. It’s true that boys sit lower in your midsection, so now am I not only pregnant in my belly, but also in my hips and am now sporting Jabba The Hut-like jowls. Yay! I saw a recent photo of myself and just about barfed.
2) Getting up from a sitting position just blows. The grunting, the groaning. It’s like being 90 years old all the sudden. Even Grammy doesn’t complain this much when she stands up from her easy chair, and she’s a hundred and freakin’ two!
3) Still as tired as ever – with a new and exciting crabby twist! My worst enemies: “Customer Service” phone personnel and medicated/stoned drivers on the road. I think they all just need to die. Before I kill them myself.
But this post is not about pregnancy gripes. In my limited mobility, waking hours, and lack of tolerance for the public at large, it has been a great opportunity to get caught up on movies. Here are my latest critiques in case you are wondering what a psychotic pregnant person would have you put in your Netflix qeue:
1) The Last King of Scotland. Oh my god. This one blew me away. Not like I’ve ever been that up on the history of Ugandan leadership, but Forest Whitaker scared the SHIT out of me in his portrayal of Idi Amin, the brutal dictator who ruled Uganda in the 70s. This movie is not for the squeamish, though. There were two visuals in particular that will haunt my nightmares forever (if you’ve seen it, you know which ones they are), but I am so glad I saw this thrilling rendering of the story and learned a bit about this important time in African history.
2) Lucky Number Slevin. My new favorite gangster movie, hands friggin’ down. Or at least it’s now up there in the top three along with Goodfellas and The Departed. Not only a taut and slick mystery, but hello, you get Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley as two colossal baddies each intent on screwing each other over so bad, you could cut the tension with a butter knife. Not to mention a beautiful love story that allows you to fall in love with Lucy Liu all over again.
3) Sleeping Dogs Lie. This poor girl admits to her fiancé the most disgusting thing she ever did. If you can get past the first five minutes of the movie where that thing is revealed (don’t worry – they don’t show it), you will find a tender and heartbreaking little story about honesty in relationships, and laugh your ass off at the meth-head brother.
4) Notes On A Scandal. I have always marveled at Cate Blanchett’s range, and this movie is no exception. And of course, Judi Dench just rocks the friggin’ house no matter what she does. There were a couple of scenes in this movie where a look from her shot violent chills down my whole body. She is THAT good.
5) Spanking The Monkey. Yes, yet another movie involving a main character doing something really pervy, in this case, sliding down a slippery slope into Oedipal tendencies. But a sweet and relatable coming-of-age story for anyone who has ever felt put upon and unable to break out of a toxic cycle. I love how good indie films will take a microcosm situation and really examine it and explore it, and this movie does just that.
6) Just Friends. Okay, this is not a movie I have just recently seen for the first time, but rather, seen many times for its neverending ability to make me laugh my ass off (Kristi, you know what I’m talking about – one night when we all shared a motel room after a wedding and this came on, she and I cracked up over it even though we had both seen it many times). Not only does it have the funniest sibling rivalry scenes I have ever seen, but has permanently cemented Anna Faris in my mind as the best comedienne of our time. Oh, and adorable love story, for those of you who are into that crap.
That’s it for now, until I remember more and feel the need to share my thumb position with you. Meanwhile, I leave you with this quote from Jeff Spicoli of Fast Times At Ridgemont High: “People on ludes should not drive!”