Wednesday, November 09, 2016

The Dark, Dark Day Hillary Lost

I woke up to the news and thought for sure I must still be asleep and having a nightmare, though I did toss and itch quite a bit last night, a sense of dread sabotaging my sleep. 

I want to cry but the tears won’t come.  They are locked up in my throat somewhere, too horrified and confused to come out.

I feel so disappointed.  So disheartened by my own countrymen, but especially by my countryWOMEN who voted for this person who so clearly has such contempt for our very gender unless we are worthy of him to grab us by the pussy.  Not to say that as a woman, you elect a woman just because she has a vagina, that is so NOT the point.  But you certainly don’t instead choose a man who believes you are a second-class citizen, along with people of color, gays and lesbians, transgenders, Muslims, basically anyone who is not a white Protestant male.  But women, we are supposed to be looking out for each other, especially since it is usually the white Protestant male that ends up screwing us.  What the hell happened?

I’m so disappointed with the people who claim to love Jesus that voted for this man.  Jesus loved everybody regardless of their background or religion or race and commanded us to do the same.  Jesus did not advocate violence against his enemies or “building a wall” or making the rich richer while those without privilege and opportunity remain oppressed and hungry.  Jesus taught us, above all else, to love.  I see and feel and hear nothing but vile, pompous hatred coming off that man.

And while Hillary also is flawed and made some not-so-great decisions (let he who has not done the same cast the first stone; she is human, after all) – at least she had some qualifications.  At least she has actually BEEN in the trenches and had some experience and has a working, thinking brain.  If this had been a regular job interview, and not what amounted to a sick, fear-mongering high school popularity contest, the choice would have been laughably clear.  But apparently that’s not the country we live in anymore.  People actually think a reality show ass-clown can lead us.

I want to crawl back into bed and not come out.  I don’t see any positives in this, and that is not like me.  It’s hard to have hope, but somehow we must.  Everyone thought he would hang himself during the campaign; perhaps he’ll do it while in office.  Especially if there is a worthy intern with a vagina within his reach.  

They impeach presidents for that, don’t they?

Monday, July 11, 2016

Sad Mama

I can’t shake the sadness today.  It feels like the world has gone crazy.

There is a line George Clooney says toward the beginning of the movie The Descendants.  Something about how just because they live in their Hawaiian paradise doesn’t make them immune to tragedy.  There is still cancer, bad things still happen.  That’s how I feel about living in the Happiest City in America today.  We are not immune here. 

A week ago, my Trader Joe’s was robbed at gunpoint.  This spineless asshole might as well have held a gun to my best friend and demanded money.  I shop there every week.  I actually enjoy the process of procuring nourishment for my family there because it is such a positive place.  If I walk in feeling a little tired or blue, I always walk out with a smile and a better outlook on my day.  Even if I've never met the cashier before, he or she is like a buddy.  I feel safe there.

And some shithead came in with his shithead gun like such a BIG MAN and made the world a much scarier and meaner place for the person he robbed and the people who work there.  To date he is still at large.  I feel outrage.  I feel helpless.  I want to kick the crap out of the person who did this and then punch him in the neck.  Is this my higher self talking?  Probably not, but it’s how I feel.  How dare he violate MY Trader Joe’s?

Then the punch to the gut yesterday that sent me to bed for the rest of the day.  A little three-year-old girl drowned in the Elks pool on Friday while there for a birthday party.  Same pool the boys and I  have frequented countless times with friends to cool off, socialize, play on the swingset, etc.  That pool was my entrĂ©e into San Luis Obispo life and embracing culture when we first moved here three years ago.  Like a symbol of camaraderie and childhood joy.  And then some poor parent I have probably rubbed elbows with in the Trader Joe's frozen food aisle had to leave that party without their baby.  Their life will never be the same.  A huge void has been created that can never be filled.

Meanwhile, throughout other parts of the country, people are reeling from the aftershock of racially-motivated shootings and violence.  What is going on?  Why is it so hard for us to love each other?  Why are people still fighting for the right to be able to go out and kill other people?  Aren’t we past this yet?

Meanwhile, McLean has lost his two front teeth.  Minecraft is being played at obsessive levels.  Blues games are going on down the street.  Life is going on.  But still my sadness for my fellow man remains.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016


I was really hoping it was just a hoax.  Now it appears to be real.  How can you be gone?  Do you have any idea what your music did to me?  How much it moved me?

I have the most vivid memory, a collection of them actually, of my 14 to 17-year-old self, night after night, lying in bed in the dark listening to the Purple Rain soundtrack.  It was our time alone together.  I never met you, but you were speaking to me alone.  There was The Beautiful Ones, my favorite, which simultaneously made me weep and turned me on.  Purple Rain and When Doves Cry.  Physically, you did things to my body without ever having touched me.  How on earth did you do that?  How did you incite such intense, frenzied feelings of lust and loss, things I was too young to have experienced yet?  Your shrieks and screams were like a wild animal, but at the same time, gave voice to the human experience.   As an artist, you were the real deal.  Everything about you was androgynous and strange, yet still aggressively masculine.  You didn’t need a loud voice or even size to convey your power.  It emanated in tsunami waves.  I can’t believe how much I miss you already.