Shoegasm, Part Deux

So the darling new pinupgirl pumps made their debut the other day. I hadn’t expected the rave reviews to come so soon, but there I was, 8:30 a.m. in the dentist’s chair, about to get a filling. As my dentist gently withdrew the J.Lo’s Ass-sized novocaine needle out of my piehole and moved to place it on the counter, she finally noticed my shoes and squealed with delight (this, BTW, is a huge advantage of having a girly-girl dentist).

Dentist: “Ohmygod! Your shoes! They are so cute! They’re absolutely darling! Where on earth did you get those?”

Me: (novocaine kicking in) Awen’t they shew adaramable? I knew eshhheewwwn as I saw mem dat ah musht ha mem like, immidianetery!

Dentist: “My daughters would love those, where can I find them?”

Me: Ewe cn geff um offfff beeeenoffkoffinghoff-dot-nam.

Dentist: “pinupgirlclothing-dot-com huh? Great, thanks for the tip!”

Later, whilst having lunch with Toni and gabbing away as girls do, she stopped mid-sentence, pointed down and exclaimed “ARE THOSE THE SHOES??? I knew I recognized those shoes!”

See, so I have made the shoes famous. Now all I need to do is smack them around and get them in dirty movies where they will feel exploited and used and develop a drug/wine cooler problem and write a tell-all book denouncing me and my abusiveness and joining a religious group that provides support and understanding for other exploited shoes. I can see it all now.

Shoegasm

Because I am a show-offy sort, I just had to boast and brag and generally be obnoxiously self-serving and shallow about my most recent shoe acquisition from my beloved pinupgirlclothing.com. Behold:

Could you just die? Can you believe how flippin' cute? Couldn't you just eat it with a spoon? Damn I loves me some shoes! DAMN!!!

I haven't quite figured out what to wear with them yet, so they have remained cloistered within the uncomfortable confines of my closet, suffering the jealous glares and snipings of my other shoes:

Pink Satin Ballet Flats: "Oh. My. God. Becky, look at the attention whore. Just look at the size of that heel. It is so big. Slut."

Brown Hippie Chunky Pumps: "Hey, what's with Snow White over there? Looks like someone could use a little chilling out, man, talk about uptight. She's harshing my mellow. Hey, who took my bong, man? That's a straight-up party foul, man."

Black Patent Leather Pumps: "Oh please, the ruffle is SO impractical. REAL classic shoes don't have to try so hard. She is obviously insecure and has daddy issues. We should feel sorry for her. She's just going to end up on the shoe repair man's couch."

White Pointy Pumps: "I don't see why we're even having this discussion. I'm the light-colored sexy shoe that gets taken out everywhere. I'm the one who invokes scandal and drama with every click of my stiletto heel. Even psychos bow before me. I have this power--"

Purple Glittery Stripper Shoes: "Bitch, don't even make me come down there and smack the white off your cracker-ass again! We all know who the favorite is and if that new bitch even thinks about going near my baby daddy (Derek's Steve Maddens), I'ma knock the lace off dat face, shooooooo."

Pinky, Aqua and Blackie (Stripper Shoes' illegitimate Old Navy $3.95 flip-flops): "Mama, why you mad, mama? We get taken out more den anybody! Tee hee!!!"


But the shoes will come out soon and be flaunted, oh yes, they will come out soon. It is written.

Girl.... You'll Be A Woman Soon

I love a girly-girl party. I love seeing girlfriends and spending time with them and getting caught up with them when it's so hard for a bunch of busy chicks to congregate at the same place at the same time. This is at Karin's place, and crapola, there is no photo of us. But this is Shannon, my At-Work Mom's daughter. People have asked us before if we're sisters, which is kind of ironic, I suppose. But mainly I just take it as a huge compliment since hi, Shannon is totally foxy. M'kay?

I love a girly-girl party. Because it affords me the opportunity to show off my cute shoes to the delighted squeals of friends. And that gives me joy. I know -- shallow much? At least I'm honest.